Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
