yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
