Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
