I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
