Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
