life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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