How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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