I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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