Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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