Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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