doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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