The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
