i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
