id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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