farters have to be the big spoon...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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