im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
