I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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