College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
