Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize