Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
