i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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