He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
