I wish I only lived at night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
