At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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