I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
