Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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