you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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