i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
