you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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