Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
