I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
