There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize