So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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