oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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