I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
