i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
