He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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