There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
