On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
