i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize