he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
