I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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