I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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