Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize