I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
