I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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