Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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