i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
