I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
