i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
