I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
