Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
