Where is the hickey?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
