just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
