ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
