Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just crazy horny about you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
