Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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