I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
