forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We named our party play list daddy issues
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize