i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
