We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
