She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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