how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
