Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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