I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
