Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Vodka?
Forever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
