Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
