butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
