I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
