Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
