I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How does it feel to date your dad?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
