what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
