the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
