So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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