i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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