Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize