At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
