i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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