Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
