Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
