I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize