Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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