we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
