Apparently you make a good broom.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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