shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
