Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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