she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
