Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
