Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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