I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
