I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
