That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
