apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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