After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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