Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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