Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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