No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How naked do you want me to be?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
