im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Randomize
