Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize