hotel room ftw
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
