I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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